If you don't hate the French yet, read this:

Why isn't this the lead story in all the papers? Why does the Eifel Tower still stand?? FRANCE RECEIVED OIL-BRIBES FROM IRAQ

Here is the giant list of other countries who were bought off by Saddam, in an attempt to build opposition to the war. The list names specific names; we'll see in the near future, if our pal Mr. Cherac turns up on this list.

I'm sorry, but there is nothing funny about this post. Only murderous, anti-French, anti-Commie rage.

Kerry has great hair, Rowdy Dean blows a gasket

It's official: Iowans love a man with a $150.00 haircut, while Skeletor (a.k.a. Dick Gephardt) has been vanquished to Castle Greyskull. Howard Dean was rushed to a local hospital after he started bleeding from his ears; doctors state the condition is a direct result of his Hulk-a-mania style concession/crazy speech.






President Bush will address the nation tonite in his State of the Union speech. He is expected to deliver basically the same speech that Dean gave, with a few key changes:

"We've been to Iraq! We're gonna go to North Korea, Syria, and Libya!! We're gonna go to China, Cuba and Iran. And then we're gonna go bomb France!!! Yeeaaaarrrgghaaaahh!!!!!"

Big day for the Dems

Well folks, the day is finally here. The day when Iowans vote for the person who will take away the highest percentage of their income, generally ignore morality, and wave daffodils at international terrorists. That's right, it's Caucus Day!

And what a selection the Iowans have! 1)A lazy-eyed ski-bunny who supports wife-beaters and Saddam Hussein, 2) An anti-war, Hanoi Jane supporting war-hero, 3) An anti-war, war-General Clinton-puppet, and 4) John Edwards, a likable enough guy with terrible economic and social ideas.

If I were voting, I'd put an 'x' by my selection, but later claim I misvoted because the ballots are so confusing. I mean, as long as all the candidates are ridiculous, we might as well have a little controversy.

Filthy Lies

I'm normally pretty nice to people, but I've taken up arms agains Glenn Reynolds in the meatgrinder know as the Great Blog War. Thus, it is my duty to spread filthy lies about this traffic-hog, with the hopes of unseating him from his unclean throne.

Here's the scoop:

Two nights ago as I was taking the trash out, I heard a strange whimpering coming from behind my garage. I peeked my head around to investigate, and what I saw was nearly indescribable

But I shall try.

There stood Glenn Reynolds, dressed in a catholic school-girl outfit. His lips were smeared with a horrible, black liquid, and he was grinning a lunatic's grin. His left hand was clutched around the neck of my neighbor's weiner dog, Rocky; in his right he held a blender, filled with some steaming, despicable (and strangely hairy) liquid.

As I watched in horror, Glen poured the blender's contents down the throat of poor Rocky. The dog choked and coughed, but the evil bastard forced it down, every drop.

Cackling, he crammed Rocky right into the now-empty blender, plugged it into a nearby extension cord, and turned it on. "My God," I thought, "the blender cap isn't even on!" Glenn didn't care, it seemed.

A volcano-esque explosion of Rocky-chunks sprayed into the air. His killer danced about gleefully, turning his face up to catch the full spray of the shower. His plaid catholic jumper was drenched.

"DOUBLE STRENGTH SHAKE!!!" he cried madly, gnashing his teeth and pulling at his hair.

Something needs to be done about this demon-thing, parading about in human form. My God.

Is Saddam pro-black people?

A bunch of silly people are going to shout into bullhorns today, when President Bush pays respect to Martin Luther King. Apparently, the protesters think that Dr. King would have supported Saddam Hussein's nefarious rule.

I don't think that's the case, unless Saddam coupled his torturous ways with being super nice to black people.

"I have a dream, that one day rape and torture will be accepted by America, and that bushy-moustached dictators can committ abhorrent (abhorrent, I say) acts upon their fellow countrymen, as long as they like black people...."

Europe = Poor Space Exploration

It appears that our friends across the pond aren't very good at exploring mars , among other things (i.e. defending yourself from Hitler, and operating a backbone). The guys at NASA should send our kick-ass Mars expolorer over to Europe's Beagle crapheap, and spray paint "USA" on it. Then, they should take a picture and broadcast it all over the world. Then, as a really funny stunt, they should bomb France.

Gas-Pumpin' Ghandi

I just read that Hillary Clinton knew Ghandi back when he used to run a gas station. She later apologized for making the statement, but I'm not sure why. Ghandi was a great gas-pumper.

"Vedy good sir! Fill 'er up today? Peace on earth!"

The guy was super friendly. But you could rob the place pretty easily, I remember. Crooks would point a gun in his face, and Ghandi would just sit down and starve himself.

One of my core beliefs...

I think I should also mention my feelings about Michael Moore, as they are pretty important to who I am, as a person:

Michael Moore makes the hair stand up on my arms, as if some sick kid was grinding his nails down a blackboard. Grinding them so hard, and with so much force, that the nails actually peel back, and bloody streaks blaze parallel lines down the blackboard. My stomach clenches up in a fashion that is normally reserved for when I'm being kicked in the testicles. My eyes water, my bowels harden, and my nostrils flare like an ape. My mouth becomes dry. My head hurts. My ears bleed, occasionally, when I see him on television.

Does anyone else have these reactions to acute liberalism?

Hello, blogosphere.

I never thought I would I would participate in the verb "blog," but I am now compelled to do so. The utter lunacy of this world ignites in me an urge to vent, to act, and to childishly insult those who think differently from me.

Howard dean has a slight lazy eye, I believe. Do you want leaders of the world to think we'd elect someone with a lazy eye? I sure don't. And what's with the silly yearbook pose? I went to highschool, and we never did anything like that. Maybe Dean went to a high school for special kids.

There, that felt great! Well, I'm going to practice my childishness for a while, and then post more. Stop back and check it out.

Chris M.